since i was a child, my worst fear has always been age.
the old frighten me. not stereotypical fear of the wreckless endangerment of others through veering on the expressway, or the fact that removable teeth are an everyday thing. it is that they are that much closer to seeing death.
i have never been in a rush to grow up. youth is my most jealously guarded possession, and i am desperate not to take it for granted. when i am told to stop acting like a child, that i am far past that, i become afraid. after all, what else do we have but that hopeful cling to our days of innocence? we were untainted by the cruelty of the world, free of sin and crime and the anguish most adults go through every day of their miserable lives. we were able to dream.
in my view the old have nothing left. they have nothing left but to jealously look upon the youth of today, mere shadows in the presence of the world. ignored by their families, all traces of the lust for life they must have once possessed now gone. the lines and creases in their faces telling the story of once upon a time. the glory days have long been over, reduced to the rank pestilence of a decaying nursing home.
i would rather die young than to be old and cast aside along with the morning refuse.
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3 comments:
Never be scared to "act like a child" - I do it all the time. I'm a goof ball. No one should refuse you that.
In terms of the elderly and growing old? I think living life and growing into my own skin helps me understand myself. My Grandparents are some of the most beautiful people I know. Their wrinkles and lines. I love them all. I'm sure you must feel the same way about your grandparents. Wisdom and life grow together.
Soon your grandparents will be ready to move on to another level. One we might not understand. . . . but live life to your fullest. You have time. Don't spite getting old. Be yourself and be proud to grow into your own skin.
Oddly enough, I have come back to read this piece several times...there is just something so familiar about it for me...something that invites me back to the days of my past...I guess it's that I can picture myself having written something like this (although not as well) when I was younger. I'm 36 now and don't have those same feelings...my main goal now is to live as long as I can so that I may spend as much time as possible with my kids. Anyway...not my blog...I like the way you write and look forward to more pieces of your work!
so it's been almost a month... KEEP WRITING! I like a lot.
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